At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
