So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
