a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
