when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
