He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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