Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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