I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
