and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
