Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
