You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
