Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
whose parrot is this?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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