I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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