Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
