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apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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