I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
