3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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