I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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