it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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