I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
