im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
