i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
