why didn't you poke me back
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
