You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
