under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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