Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They took my balls.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize