I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
