Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
