You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I will be naked everywhere
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
