im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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