I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
