i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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