omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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