yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
