worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
