If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
