I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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