I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
