i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
