Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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