i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
