so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
