duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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