dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
