So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
