around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
