OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
