okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
