im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
