I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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