It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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