I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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