Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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