R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't put those talents on a resume
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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