Banned from zoo.
Again?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
