I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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