I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
