I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
