p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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