Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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