You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
