I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize