Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
