You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
