there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
