So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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