i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
