I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
