I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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