The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
