can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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