"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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