I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
