I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
