well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
