By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
