nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
