Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
