Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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