cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
