if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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