Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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