just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
