Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
