Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
