I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
