overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
