You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
