why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
